Just recently, Hero started squishing this kitty tent, because it’s apparently really comfy like that.
And because Lisa copies everything Hero starts doing…
Lisa is also squishing the tent now to make it a bed!
It’s so funny! Lisa copies all the little shenanigans from Hero as well.
Hero figured that he will always make me get up and out of bed, if he tries to climb the curtain in the bedroom. He knows that no matter what, I will always get up when he does that. I have to, because I’m too worried that the curtain rail could come crashing down on top of him.
Once I get out of bed, he comes running towards me to give me a big head bonk and a cuddle.
Naturally, Lisa learned from her brother and started doing exactly the same thing 🤣
I’ve got to laugh… The way in which they do it is amazing. They start off, as if they want to climb the curtain, having at least one paw clawed into the curtain. Then they will look at me, with every move they make, to see how I react. It’s obvious that this is totally to get my attention and make me get up.
Just little shenanigans like that. They’re really good kitties! Sometimes they just want me to get up earlier.
This year has been and still is one of the most difficult ones yet in my life, due to the combination of frightening changes in our world and country, and heartbreaking losses of two of our sweet furbabies.
Samantha has passed on Wednesday, December 15, 2021 at 14:45, reuniting with her sweet brother Sonic and my girl Murli.
I don’t know where to start. Samantha has had IBD (Inflammatory Bowels Disease) and after being perfectly stable and well for years, she’s had a flare up of the disease in early fall, out of the blue. We will never know what triggered it, as there had been no changes in her medication, food or even or any other events in our life. Nothing stressful happened at that time.
But ever since then, I went to the Vet countless times with her and I myself was there to pick up medications constantly. The Vet and I tried everything. Even ordered medications from outside of Austria to try after all the traditional ones didn’t help. We tried using medications off label with the Vet, as some of them have shown to help at times. All in combination with supplements, beneficial gut bacteria and various diets.
Though, nothing helped. Not even a little. Her condition kept getting worse and she kept losing weight no matter how much she ate, and she ate constantly.
We tried using injections to get a handle on the inflammation and cramps, but nothing helped. I gave her subcutaneous injections and drips myself at home. The Vet Lady had already taught me how to do that with Sonic.
The speed at which Samantha got worst increased as well. In the last 10 days, she started to eat every hour. I would fill up her bowl and she ate it all up, and wanted some more, which she always got. Then about an hour or so later, she would ask me for food again. So I fed her basically day and night in the end. Poor baby became so restless, and was up and down of the bed, or any other place she wanted to curl up at. But she would get up again within a short time.
On Monday morning I found her sitting by her water fountain, from which she normally drank all the time, but she seemed as if she forgot how to drink. Samantha would touch the water with her nose and acted as if she expected to get water that way. Then she would lift her head back up and look around confused. Soon later she started crying by the water, because she wanted to drink but could not.
I fed her water with the syringe, just like I did with Sonic and I kept her hydrated with drips, but she would cry by the water despite it all. I tried a number of different fountains and water bowls, with different levels of water, to see if anything helps. I even tried plates and put the fountains and water bowls higher up, so that Samantha would have the water right at the mouth level. Though to no avail.
The worst was seeing just how unhappy she seemed and she was in pain, despite pain medication. Her diarrhoea was becoming so frequent, it was heartbreaking. So Ralph and I knew we only had one choice left. We did not want her to suffer any worse than she already did.
I called our Vet on Tuesday morning to talk to her and we decided that she would come by our home to put Samantha to sleep the next day. She was going to call us before she would come, to talk again. But over night and the next morning, it became even more clear that there was no other choice left, as Samantha kept getting worse still.
Both Ralph and I were in a horrible state already, knowing what was to come. I ran about with my heart already broken and I could not even describe the sadness I felt and feel if I tried.
The last hours I just kept feeding her, because she was so hungry.
As the time came and our Vet was on her way, I closed the door to the rest of the apartment and stayed with Samantha in the kitchen and hallway area. Ralph could not bear to witness it, as he had to be with so many other of his beloved furbabies when they were put to sleep and these memories are still haunting him to this day.
Samantha knew the Vet Lady well and was never worried or afraid of her. So when she came, she stayed perfectly calm, acting normally and even had a few more bites to eat.
For a while we were just hanging out and talking to each other and Samantha. The Vet comforted Samantha and was so sweet to her, just like she always is.
All I want to say is that Samantha fell asleep without a hint of fear or stress visible. She fell asleep very quickly, while I held her head, so she could see me. At the same time she was also able to see the beautiful garden she always loved to look out to and she saw the sun setting with a beautiful red light in the clouds.
The rest is a blur again and I can’t even describe how I spent the rest of the evening and night. I just cried constantly. I didn’t want to call the Pet Crematory right away and decided to call them the next day and arrange a pick up for the afternoon.
I needed some time and I wanted to make sure Samantha has enough time to realise what has happened and let go of her body. I didn’t want her following her body in confusion if the pick up happened so soon after her passing.
I pray she’s reunited with Sonic and Murli now. I’m still being split between knowing that it was the right decision and wondering if Samantha feels betrayed. Because she didn’t expect to lose her life that day, even though she was very unwell. I pray she’s happy now, because the pain is gone and she’s whole again and able to do whatever she wants. I pray there is help on the other side, to make sure they are alright and that they are helped if they are disoriented or confused.
That deep pain in my heart will stay for a long time, but I am glad that Samantha and Sonic are in the same realm again. These two belong together.
Samantha was and is such a wonderful special kitty girl. An absolute beauty, with her stunning green big eyes in which you can get lost in. She had the longest purr ever, going on and on and on every time she came to bed and we went to sleep. She was Ralph’s little girl. And became my little girl as well. I wish I would have gotten to know Ralph many years sooner, but I am eternally grateful for the years I got to have with Samantha and Sonic. They made their bond with me, which will keep us connected no matter how many years will pass, until we are finally reunited again, all of us.
The following photo was taken on Saturday, December 11, 2021. Samantha and Sonic were always smaller than Murli, and grown up Hero and Lisa. But because she was getting so thin, Samantha seems even more tiny in this photo. She loved to hang out in that basket during the day. The photo on the wall above Samantha is of Sonic btw. I took it myself in Spain, when Sonic was on his way to the front balcony. Ralph always love this picture.
For the moment, I’m trying to distract myself from the pain as much as possible. I can’t really sleep right and haven’t really been sleeping right since Sonic passed. I just miss them both so painfully.
But I distract myself by pouring all my heart and love on Ralph, Hero and Lisa. Helping and comforting them, helps me as well.
I’m very sorry for being gone for most of the year, having only done a few posts. This whole year was a mess. I’ll post again before the holidays.
Thank you all for still coming to this little blog and for leaving all your wonderful comments. It means a lot to me. Ralph also reads all of the comments.
Beloved Sonic passed away at 2:10am on October 27, 2021.
He was one strong boy, never gave up and kept hanging on to life until his very last breath. He was not alone, not even for a second. It was obvious that something was not right and that he was close to passing away. I carried him around with me if I had to go into another room, because I didn’t want to leave him for even a minute. When it was time to go to bed, I took Sonic with me and laid him into our bed, where he had slept all those years. But I didn’t put him into his basket that was on our bed, and instead right by my side, with hot water bottles, a his little pillow for his head and covered him with a blanket.
I kept the bedside light on, so he could see me and know where he was. All 3, Samantha, Hero and Lisa kept checking on Sonic, sniffing all over his body and licking his head. Again and again. They knew something was wrong. I kept holding his paw, stroking his head, just like he had always loved. That way I stayed with him until he stopped breathing at about 2:10am.
Up until this last day, Sonic was still walking after me, and out onto the balcony, enjoying the lovely warm afternoon sun. He loved lying in his big basket in the living room, while watching the pigeons fly back and forth in front of the window.
He was always with one or all of us. Sonic was either following me, wandering around a bit, or staying with Ralph in the living room when I was out of the house, or I took him into the bedroom with me when I went to bed. Samantha, Hero and Lisa were also always close by somewhere.
During the day, Sonic was in this basket (the one in the pic below), which I made as soft as a cloud, with a soft pillow for humans underneath him and another cushion at the back, so that it was soft all around him. In addition, I put hot water bottles in this basket, just body warm, but it kept him lovely warm and comfy. Ralph and the other kitties were usually all in the living room as well, hanging out like you can see in the pic above.
Lisa and Hero gave Sonic cuddles all the time. These three were friends right from the start. It was the sweetest thing.
As you can probably see in the previous 3 pics, I had made Sonic a little coat, because the fall started and he was thin. I just wanted him to be warm at all times. Sonic was one of those kitties who didn’t mind things like that at all. In fact he seemed to like it and feel comfy.
Lisa constantly gave Sonic a little wash on the head. Basically any time the two crossed paths in the home. Hero and Lisa gave him big head bonks and cuddles every time they were together. Sonic would give them a little wash on their heads as well. Samantha did the same when she and Sonic crossed paths. That sweet boy was so loved by everyone, just as Murli was.
Sonic would eat on his own, but it was not enough, even though he was hungry. That’s why I had to feed him with the syringe. He loved being fed really. If I was too slow and waited too long for him to swallow, he would move his head towards the syringe, to let me know he was ready for another mouth full.
He would come up to me, letting me know he wanted some food, or come into the kitchen, sitting down at the same spot every time, which meant he wanted some food.
Like in the two pictures above, Sonic would either sit in the kitchen, or anywhere else, looking up at me like in the pictures… Which meant: “Feed me!”
Sonic drank on his own, but I always gave him a little additional water to make sure he was hydrated properly. I would feed him every two hours, making sure that his stomach was never empty. Because he would get nauseous if his tummy was empty for longer than 3 hours. I would feed him right before I went to sleep. I also had some chicken breast with me in the bed, in that container. He would wake me up if he was hungry during the night and I would let him eat.
I would also feed him the pureed meat during the night with the syringe if he was hungry, or if I saw that it was time for a feeding, if he didn’t wake me. I usually fed him at midnight, then again around 2:30am and then again around 5:30am, go back to sleep and get up at 7:30 and feed him again and so on during the day.
Now I feel so sad that I don’t have to wake up to feed Sonic during the night anymore. I would have kept doing this for many more years and would have gotten up even more often if it would have been needed. There was literally nothing I would not have done to help him.
And I would do the same for all of my sweet kitties.
In the end, Sonic lived as long as he possibly could with his condition. His will to live had no limit. Even during his last moments I knew that he would rather stay with us. Though I’m sure that once his beautiful soul left his ailing body, he must have felt relief. He must have been so amazed to be able to hear, and to feel strong again and without the weakness of his body holding him back. I pray that he is in peace and with Murli and the others. I pray he isn’t frightened and confused at what happened and that he was helped to the light.
The rest of that night
I laid Sonic’s body into our kitty pram and put a blanket on him like always, just as if he was sleeping. I kept the pram by my bedside. There was no sleeping really. But the hours till the morning were just a blur. I got up at 7am and called the pet crematory, which I had also called for Murli, almost two years ago.
I’m glad they exist, as they are very kind and everything they do they do with the utmost respect and thought. The few hours until the man from the pet crematory arrived were a blur yet again. I just cried all the time. Before Sonic was due to be picked up, I gave him one last brush.
I also asked if Sonic could keep his little coat and thankfully he could, since it was just wool.
It was difficult to give away his body, just like it was with Murli.
In a few weeks, I’ll be able to pick up his urn. It always takes a few weeks, because his urn has to be ordered as they are handmade. It was the same with sweet Murli.
What was wrong with Sonic’s health
For a long time we didn’t really know what exactly was wrong with him physically. He started having issues with his digestion in 2018 and suddenly started having constipation problems. Though, with a change in diet, fibre and beneficial supplements, it was going well, aside from a few occasions where we went to the Vet if he had problems, which were thankfully resolved easily. Otherwise he was perfectly healthy.
Then in January 2021, his weight started dropping quickly and he was not eating enough by himself. So we went to the Vet with him a few times back then and found out that his digestive system was not working well enough and not absorbing enough nutrients and not metabolising everything properly.
He got enzymes I was to add to every meal, supplements and other good things for his digestion to help with it. Like I wrote above, I fed him a liquid diet with syringes, on top of what he ate by himself. The pureed meat was high in calories and nutrients, but easily digestible. That his meals were mostly liquid, helped his body digest the food better as well.
Doing all of this, he lived as long as possible. His body had reached a point, where his digestive system could not absorb enough anymore to stay alive. No matter how much food he would have gotten, or how nutritious it was, his body could not absorb any of it anymore.
I’m thankful for every moment and every day I had with Sonic. I always wish they could stay with us forever, or at least for much much longer. Each kitty is so unique and special, such a blessing on our lives. It’s so difficult to get used to Sonic not being here anymore. During the first couple of days, I still kept turning around from my desk, with the intention to check on Sonic, who would have been behind me in his basket. Or I woke up with the intention to feed Sonic.
Ralph and the kitties are also very sad. Everyone misses Sonic painfully. We’re now trying to adjust.
For me, the days are still as if I’m in some absent minded blur most of the time. I keep just staring into nothing for quite a while, and often my mind just feels totally blank.
Though I’ve been showering Samantha, Hero and Lisa in even more cuddles than I had done anyway. I’m trying to distract myself with podcasts and I focus on Ralph and the kitties and making them happy.
I’m also wanting to get into posting again properly. I know it would help a lot to connect and keep up with all of you wonderful people.
There is so much I need to write about regarding the last months since spring and how things were. But that will all be in a separate, or even a couple separate posts.
Can you believe it? Time goes by so fast! Hero and Lisa were over 5 months old when we adopted them on November 5, 2019 😸😸💗 Their age was estimated by the Vet. But I chose the 15th of May because it was the earliest point on which they were probably born. And it’s a nice date!
Hero and Lisa are so thoroughly part of our little family, as if they have always been part of us. All the kitties love each other, even Murli loved the 2, in the short time they had together.
At the moment Hero and Lisa are partying like mad. Running around the home as fast as possible. And Hero is just as fast as Lisa! He just can’t turn corners as tightly as she can, and he can’t jump higher than onto a chair, but he makes up for that in strength and sheer will to get where he wants. He’ll climb everything! He’s so strong, he can pull himself up onto things with only his front legs.
They are both incredibly intelligent and learn things so quickly. Of course that involves figuring out all sorts of shenanigans! Always fun! Seriously, it really is. It’s pretty funny if you enter the bedroom and find all the drawers are opened with all the underwear and socks all strewn about.
Of course nobody was anywhere near it… Even if one of them (or both) are sitting in said drawers, then that’s only because they were investigating what’s going on and trying to fix it.
We love you sweet Hero and Lisa 😺 😸 I’ll always do everything to make your lives as happy and full of love and fun (and food & treats) as possible!
First, I just want to say thank you to all of you, for leaving all your absolutely wonderful and kind comments! You are always amazing to me, to Ralph and the kitties. Thank you!
Just in general, I rarely get to sit down and write a post in one go, because there’s always something going on that I have to get up for. But I love those reasons, because it’s for Ralph and the cats!
This time, it took me days to write this post was simply editing it over and over again, unsure if I should even mention what has been bothering me.
I’ve already been dealing with anxiety since my teens, but it’s been pretty much the same for many years, not too bad. But since about February it’s gotten a lot worse, which has not happened like this since my teens.
It’s the result of a combination of outside influences, a lot of it probably subconsciously. In the most simple terms, it’s the fear losing control over my / our life in various ways due to government decisions / laws / regulations / mandates / restrictions because of covid.
These fears have always been part of my anxiety disorder, but with the difference that I was always able to realise that it’s just part of my anxiety disorder has no base in reality. Nowadays, observing different western countries (mine included) and their law changes due to covid, I’m not so sure anymore.
My disorder is likely rooted partially in all the hospital stays, treatments and medical check ups throughout my childhood (starting at 5) due to migraines. As a young child, I was totally attached to my Mum, my family and home itself, including my kitty Minky. Most of these hospital stays happened suddenly and unexpected. From then on I was worried every time I had a medical appointment, that I might get sent to hospital again suddenly. To this day I am getting panic attacks if I have an appointment at a new doctors office, especially before check ups and medical procedures.
But back to the present… Where I unfortunately feel as if anything could be changed or mandated all of a sudden. That’s just the way my anxiety has always worked. Everything feels a lot worse than it normally is, by far.
Working my way out of that anxious hole I’m in
With this going on, I could not concentrate well on writing a post or anything, especially in the past month. I just tried to distract myself a bit on the laptop when I had the time, with Sims 4… Which is amazing as distraction! I had Sims 2 and Sims 3 as well over the years. It’s the only game I have ever been interested in. I have lots of kitties in various households in my game… It’s awesome.
In addition, I also tried to relax as much as possible and focus on our life and everything I love and like to do. Basically just try to get on with life and try not to worry. I found some new things I might do as well, like live streaming! As well as posting regularly and staying in contact with you lovely friends.
Publishing posts in a more daily / journal like fashion is something I wanted to do in forever. Keeping some structure and something regular like this might help a lot and I know it would be fun. Even if I can’t concentrate well, I can still do a little post with photos from the day or something.
How Ralph and the kitties are doing
Ralph is doing well, aside from the shaking hands. We’re happy and looking forward to the weather finally warming up for good! Sonic is doing amazing! He keeps slowly gaining weight and he’s zooming around the home by now! He is walking really fast and jumping up on anything with ease! He joins the others on the balcony a lot and on the windows. There are lots of cuddles and washes between Sonic and the others. His digestion is working really well too! I’m feeding him with the syringe still in addition to what he eats on his own. I give him all sorts of pureed meats he loves.
Sonic also has a collar with a little bell by now… He is totally deaf, so he can’t hear it and the collar didn’t bother him at all. He didn’t even feel bothered by it when I put it on him. The reason is that I know when Sonic is moving about or what he’s up to. I still always keep my eyes on him and it gave me a lot of peace of mind being able to hear him when I’m in another room. The other don’t care about the little bell at all and neither does Ralph.
Hero, Lisa and Samantha are doing well too! They are really enjoying the warm sun now and spend a lot of time on the windows and the balcony.
I’ll be posting more soon!
Lots of love from Ralph, the kitties and me! Thank you for being here!