This year has been and still is one of the most difficult ones yet in my life, due to the combination of frightening changes in our world and country, and heartbreaking losses of two of our sweet furbabies.
Samantha has passed on Wednesday, December 15, 2021 at 14:45, reuniting with her sweet brother Sonic and my girl Murli.
I don’t know where to start. Samantha has had IBD (Inflammatory Bowels Disease) and after being perfectly stable and well for years, she’s had a flare up of the disease in early fall, out of the blue. We will never know what triggered it, as there had been no changes in her medication, food or even or any other events in our life. Nothing stressful happened at that time.
But ever since then, I went to the Vet countless times with her and I myself was there to pick up medications constantly. The Vet and I tried everything. Even ordered medications from outside of Austria to try after all the traditional ones didn’t help. We tried using medications off label with the Vet, as some of them have shown to help at times. All in combination with supplements, beneficial gut bacteria and various diets.
Though, nothing helped. Not even a little. Her condition kept getting worse and she kept losing weight no matter how much she ate, and she ate constantly.
We tried using injections to get a handle on the inflammation and cramps, but nothing helped. I gave her subcutaneous injections and drips myself at home. The Vet Lady had already taught me how to do that with Sonic.
The speed at which Samantha got worst increased as well. In the last 10 days, she started to eat every hour. I would fill up her bowl and she ate it all up, and wanted some more, which she always got. Then about an hour or so later, she would ask me for food again. So I fed her basically day and night in the end. Poor baby became so restless, and was up and down of the bed, or any other place she wanted to curl up at. But she would get up again within a short time.
On Monday morning I found her sitting by her water fountain, from which she normally drank all the time, but she seemed as if she forgot how to drink. Samantha would touch the water with her nose and acted as if she expected to get water that way. Then she would lift her head back up and look around confused. Soon later she started crying by the water, because she wanted to drink but could not.
I fed her water with the syringe, just like I did with Sonic and I kept her hydrated with drips, but she would cry by the water despite it all. I tried a number of different fountains and water bowls, with different levels of water, to see if anything helps. I even tried plates and put the fountains and water bowls higher up, so that Samantha would have the water right at the mouth level. Though to no avail.
The worst was seeing just how unhappy she seemed and she was in pain, despite pain medication. Her diarrhoea was becoming so frequent, it was heartbreaking. So Ralph and I knew we only had one choice left. We did not want her to suffer any worse than she already did.
I called our Vet on Tuesday morning to talk to her and we decided that she would come by our home to put Samantha to sleep the next day. She was going to call us before she would come, to talk again. But over night and the next morning, it became even more clear that there was no other choice left, as Samantha kept getting worse still.
Both Ralph and I were in a horrible state already, knowing what was to come. I ran about with my heart already broken and I could not even describe the sadness I felt and feel if I tried.
The last hours I just kept feeding her, because she was so hungry.
As the time came and our Vet was on her way, I closed the door to the rest of the apartment and stayed with Samantha in the kitchen and hallway area. Ralph could not bear to witness it, as he had to be with so many other of his beloved furbabies when they were put to sleep and these memories are still haunting him to this day.
Samantha knew the Vet Lady well and was never worried or afraid of her. So when she came, she stayed perfectly calm, acting normally and even had a few more bites to eat.
For a while we were just hanging out and talking to each other and Samantha. The Vet comforted Samantha and was so sweet to her, just like she always is.
All I want to say is that Samantha fell asleep without a hint of fear or stress visible. She fell asleep very quickly, while I held her head, so she could see me. At the same time she was also able to see the beautiful garden she always loved to look out to and she saw the sun setting with a beautiful red light in the clouds.
The rest is a blur again and I can’t even describe how I spent the rest of the evening and night. I just cried constantly. I didn’t want to call the Pet Crematory right away and decided to call them the next day and arrange a pick up for the afternoon.
I needed some time and I wanted to make sure Samantha has enough time to realise what has happened and let go of her body. I didn’t want her following her body in confusion if the pick up happened so soon after her passing.
I pray she’s reunited with Sonic and Murli now. I’m still being split between knowing that it was the right decision and wondering if Samantha feels betrayed. Because she didn’t expect to lose her life that day, even though she was very unwell. I pray she’s happy now, because the pain is gone and she’s whole again and able to do whatever she wants. I pray there is help on the other side, to make sure they are alright and that they are helped if they are disoriented or confused.
That deep pain in my heart will stay for a long time, but I am glad that Samantha and Sonic are in the same realm again. These two belong together.
Samantha was and is such a wonderful special kitty girl. An absolute beauty, with her stunning green big eyes in which you can get lost in. She had the longest purr ever, going on and on and on every time she came to bed and we went to sleep. She was Ralph’s little girl. And became my little girl as well. I wish I would have gotten to know Ralph many years sooner, but I am eternally grateful for the years I got to have with Samantha and Sonic. They made their bond with me, which will keep us connected no matter how many years will pass, until we are finally reunited again, all of us.
The following photo was taken on Saturday, December 11, 2021. Samantha and Sonic were always smaller than Murli, and grown up Hero and Lisa. But because she was getting so thin, Samantha seems even more tiny in this photo. She loved to hang out in that basket during the day. The photo on the wall above Samantha is of Sonic btw. I took it myself in Spain, when Sonic was on his way to the front balcony. Ralph always love this picture.
For the moment, I’m trying to distract myself from the pain as much as possible. I can’t really sleep right and haven’t really been sleeping right since Sonic passed. I just miss them both so painfully.
But I distract myself by pouring all my heart and love on Ralph, Hero and Lisa. Helping and comforting them, helps me as well.
I’m very sorry for being gone for most of the year, having only done a few posts. This whole year was a mess. I’ll post again before the holidays.
Thank you all for still coming to this little blog and for leaving all your wonderful comments. It means a lot to me. Ralph also reads all of the comments.
Sending you love and blessings.