First, I just want to say thank you to all of you, for leaving all your absolutely wonderful and kind comments! You are always amazing to me, to Ralph and the kitties. Thank you!
Just in general, I rarely get to sit down and write a post in one go, because there’s always something going on that I have to get up for. But I love those reasons, because it’s for Ralph and the cats!
This time, it took me days to write this post was simply editing it over and over again, unsure if I should even mention what has been bothering me.
I’ve already been dealing with anxiety since my teens, but it’s been pretty much the same for many years, not too bad. But since about February it’s gotten a lot worse, which has not happened like this since my teens.
It’s the result of a combination of outside influences, a lot of it probably subconsciously. In the most simple terms, it’s the fear losing control over my / our life in various ways due to government decisions / laws / regulations / mandates / restrictions because of covid.
These fears have always been part of my anxiety disorder, but with the difference that I was always able to realise that it’s just part of my anxiety disorder has no base in reality. Nowadays, observing different western countries (mine included) and their law changes due to covid, I’m not so sure anymore.
My disorder is likely rooted partially in all the hospital stays, treatments and medical check ups throughout my childhood (starting at 5) due to migraines. As a young child, I was totally attached to my Mum, my family and home itself, including my kitty Minky. Most of these hospital stays happened suddenly and unexpected. From then on I was worried every time I had a medical appointment, that I might get sent to hospital again suddenly. To this day I am getting panic attacks if I have an appointment at a new doctors office, especially before check ups and medical procedures.
But back to the present… Where I unfortunately feel as if anything could be changed or mandated all of a sudden. That’s just the way my anxiety has always worked. Everything feels a lot worse than it normally is, by far.
Working my way out of that anxious hole I’m in
With this going on, I could not concentrate well on writing a post or anything, especially in the past month. I just tried to distract myself a bit on the laptop when I had the time, with Sims 4… Which is amazing as distraction! I had Sims 2 and Sims 3 as well over the years. It’s the only game I have ever been interested in. I have lots of kitties in various households in my game… It’s awesome.
In addition, I also tried to relax as much as possible and focus on our life and everything I love and like to do. Basically just try to get on with life and try not to worry. I found some new things I might do as well, like live streaming! As well as posting regularly and staying in contact with you lovely friends.
Publishing posts in a more daily / journal like fashion is something I wanted to do in forever. Keeping some structure and something regular like this might help a lot and I know it would be fun. Even if I can’t concentrate well, I can still do a little post with photos from the day or something.
How Ralph and the kitties are doing
Ralph is doing well, aside from the shaking hands. We’re happy and looking forward to the weather finally warming up for good! Sonic is doing amazing! He keeps slowly gaining weight and he’s zooming around the home by now! He is walking really fast and jumping up on anything with ease! He joins the others on the balcony a lot and on the windows. There are lots of cuddles and washes between Sonic and the others. His digestion is working really well too! I’m feeding him with the syringe still in addition to what he eats on his own. I give him all sorts of pureed meats he loves.
Sonic also has a collar with a little bell by now… He is totally deaf, so he can’t hear it and the collar didn’t bother him at all. He didn’t even feel bothered by it when I put it on him. The reason is that I know when Sonic is moving about or what he’s up to. I still always keep my eyes on him and it gave me a lot of peace of mind being able to hear him when I’m in another room. The other don’t care about the little bell at all and neither does Ralph.
Hero, Lisa and Samantha are doing well too! They are really enjoying the warm sun now and spend a lot of time on the windows and the balcony.
I’ll be posting more soon!
Lots of love from Ralph, the kitties and me! Thank you for being here!
Not surprised, he’s running around playing all day and so is Lisa.
I’m in bed, Hero asleep, leaning against my legs and Sonic to the right, next to me.
Samantha is asleep on the comfy round chair near Ralph’s desk and Lisa fell asleep on in the hallway on a soft kitty bed. She was too tired to wait for me until I was going to bed and fell asleep while waiting for me basically. But she’ll come and cuddle up with us a bit later.
By the time Ralph comes to bed, there’s cats all over the bed🤣
I’m answering all your lovely comments as soon as I can. I just keep getting distracted by cats and things that need to be done around the home. But I wanted to say thank you! It’s always so wonderful to receive all your kind words and I really appreciate it a lot!
So good night from us! We’ll be back tomorrow 🙋🏻😺😺😺😺❣️
Oh it was a long day! Especially for poor Lisa. I wanted to let you all know that she is fine and the surgery went fine, no problems.
I went to pick her up from the Vet at 4:45pm. It took a while though until we were able to leave, since there was a little emergency dog who was being treated, when I arrived. It was about an hour later than I finally got to pick up sweet little Lisa.
But I knew that everything was fine and she was doing well, so I didn’t have to worry.
Lisa was wide awake, and freaked out. She was struggling, so it wasn’t possible to put the pet shirt on her, that is her size and made for after surgeries, to prevent them getting to the surgery site. So for now all that was possible to quickly slip on was the dreaded cone.
Of course she’s upset about having a cone now. But I will try again tomorrow to put the protective garment on her, as at least she would be able to move freely and be able to use all her senses. With the cone, the whiskers are of no help, the hearing and especially the directional hearing is impaired, as well as her view.
I wish it would be easier to put something like that on a kitty.
I will let you know how it goes and how Lisa is doing over the next days.
Anyway, I am going to bed now. Lisa is staying quiet on the window in the bedroom, one of her favourite spots. She’ll come into the bed later I’m sure.
I’m just glad that both, Hero and now Lisa had their neutering / spraying surgery behind them. Now we look forward to when Lisa is healed up and won’t need a cone or protective garment.
Good night from us! Lots of love, and thanks so much for all your lovely comments! Will be replying as soon as I can.
Hello my absolutely wonderful friends! It took me all that time to finish my post… Unbelievable, but our days just have been that way, where I can’t get anything finished, because so many other things had to be done.
I really have to thank you all again, just so that you know how much all of your kind messages and comments mean to me and how thankful I am for all that support and love.
December 18, 2019
In the morning of December 18, 2019, little boy Hero had his neutering surgery. Everything went well and he did not seem to be in any pain at all. Just a bit tired and so he basically went to sleep not long after we arrived back home. Since we didn’t sleep much that night, we all just went to have a rest… Ralph, I and the cats in the bed.
At some point, I got woken up because my phone rang. It was the Crematory in Gleisdorf, where my sweet Murli had been cremated. Gleisdorf is a little less than half an hour away by car, depending on traffic. I was informed that I can pick up her Urn whenever I want. So I quickly looked up the times for the trains going to the town and told them I would arrive the next day at 11am. The Crematory is close to the train station.
December 19, 2019
In the morning, one of the first things I did was to finally free poor Samantha from her cone. I wanted her to be free of it and able to go to the toilet herself while I was gone for a few hours, to pick up Murli’s Urn in Gleisdorf.
Samantha simply looked exhausted after two weeks with the cone.
Thankfully the train I had to take was one of the local trains, which stop at all the stations, including the one that’s near our home, so I didn’t have to go all the way to the main train station in Graz. It’s not even 5 minutes from us with my bicycle.
The train ride itself lasts about 30 minutes, but it feels much shorter. It goes through the countryside with lots of woods and is really lovely. The train arrived a few minutes before 11am and I walked straight to the close by Pet-Crematory.
I thought I took many more photos from in front of the Crematory, but it seems the photos never saved on my phone. Something went wrong, which had probably more to do with the state I was in.
The sweet Lady I had already talked to one the one a few times greeted me as I walked in. It’s beautiful there. Much more beautiful than the Crematory for humans I’ve been to. It feels comforting as soon as you walk in. Friendly and warm. Not to mention that the people I had talked to and the sweet young man who picked up Murli, have been amazing. So understanding and kind. I knew about them for years and so I knew who to contact right away on the morning of Murli’s passing.
The Lady brought me to the room with Murli’s Urn. As soon as I got there, I greeted her as I always did with “Hey baby” and started crying right away. For quite a while. But they were just so kind there. They leave you alone, or stay with you, however you wish. You can also stay as long as you feel you need to before you leave with the Urn.
They offer to create a paw print on a ceramic and let you decide on the shape of it. I wanted it to be a heart, and the paw print in black, since Murli is a panfur with black paws. I had also asked them for some of Murli’s fur, back when I chose the Urn and paw print.
The Lady helped me to pack it up carefully, making sure it’s safe during my little travel back home. We also talked for a while, as she has cats herself and knows what it all feels like.
And so with Murli’s Urn safely with me, I went to catch the next train home. It definitely feels better now to have her urn back home with us.
It’s still going to be very difficult for quite a while, but that’s what I deal with within my own mind and soul. I want to be my normal and happy self for the other furkids, Samantha, Sonic, Lisa and Hero.
Everyone of you knows what it is like, so I don’t need, or even want to write about the sadness. Instead I want to remember and be grateful for every year, every day I got to spend with Murli my life. Murli was happiness, empathy, love and warmth all packed into a beautiful feline. All the kitties loved her right away. They all felt comfortable around her. When Hero and Lisa first came to us, and they were still absolutely frightened, they were for some reason feeling relaxed and less scared when they were near Murli. Her soul is alive and well and my bond with her will remain forever. I’m so grateful for my life with my beloved little family, which Murli will always remain part of.
We worried a lot about Samantha too, as she was really unhappy with her cone. Also, we think any movement for her felt uncomfortable, since the cut was really deep, since the Vet had to make sure to get everything during her surgery, to make sure weird growth can restart in that spot. Samantha was on pain meds of course, but it might still have been uncomfortable in some way.
Thankfully I was able to keep Samantha healthy during the whole two weeks with her cone; feeding her, giving her water with a syringe and carrying her to the toilet and everywhere else she wanted to be usually. Since she only ate chicken breast, I had to give her a supplement paste in the right amount, to make sure she still gets all the important nutrients and vitamins. When the day came to remove her stitches, Samantha was put on the scale and checked out properly. To my amazement, she had not lost any weight during that time and was well hydrated! The hydration was what I had worried about the most. I knew how much water an adult cat needs every day, and I tried my best to get as close to it as possible. Apparently it’s 50ml for every kg of body-weight.
Samantha started recovering from her ordeal and is doing really well again now. Her scar is healing up great! It’s wonderful to see her happy again.
To do something fun for the cats, I bought a little Christmas tree just for the balcony, so the cats have something interesting to smell at and investigate. They are only out for a few minutes at a time together with us, since it’s way too cold.
The other decoration I had on the living room window, had been on there since the beginning of December. But I kept candles burning ever since the day Murli had passed. That’s what this window looks like:
Later I also put up a tiny little Christmas tree which I decorated and put somewhere Lisa and Hero can’t get to. Samantha and Sonic never tried anything too silly with our Christmas trees anyway.
I bought that little tree where I had bought the bigger one for the balcony. It still smells lovely! Just for fun and because the cats need some decoration they like, I added some colourful mousies as well. Everyone got some nice Christmas gifts and tasty food. The weather station you can see behind the toys is what I got from Ralph for Christmas, since I’ve been wanting one for many years. It’s awesome!
The cats are having fun with their new toys!
Hero and Lisa are great at playing together!
Their new toy was quite helpful in trying to distract the cats from all the noise from the fire crackers and fire works at midnight on new years eve! Sonic of course was not worried anyway, since he can’t hear, but Samantha, Hero and Lisa were worried. Though we did quite well in calming them down and making them feel safer. Luckily, it’s not as crazy where we are. It would be a different story right in the city centre.
I didn’t even look at the fire works, and instead stayed with the cats, comforting them.
The last sunset of 2019 was absolutely beautiful.
And there we are, another year gone by. Actually, a whole decade gone by. But it does not feel like it’s been so long. Despite how fast the time goes by, I am thankful for every second of it. Every moment I got to spend with everyone I love. I am holding on and loving every moment I can spend with Ralph, Samantha, Sonic, Hero and Lisa. And I’m thankful for every single friend I found through posting about Murli and about our life now.
Thank you all for every lovely word of yours and for continuing to visit, despite me not being able to keep up with my replies lots of times. Though I do read and appreciate every single one of them and I’ll reply, even if I’m late.
Ralph, the cats and myself, wish everyone of you happiness for the new year. Wishing good health and wellbeing for human and furry friends, and may everyone be able to spend as much time as they want and can with their loved ones.